The Whitest thing I've ever seen

How never ending gentrification white washed a once predominantly working class Raza hood

Denver, CO - my hometown and a ridiculously white city now thanks to gentrification

Every now and again I come across something that goes in my “The Whitest Thing I’ve Ever Seen” file. This is a file cabinet in my mind that stores things that qualify as ridiculously “white,” and is usually accompanied by me saying something along the lines of, “Goddamn, that’s some serious white guy/girl shit!”

Competition is fierce and the top spot is often taken over by something whiter - it’s difficult to keep up with it. If I had more time and wasn’t so lazy, I’d consider hosting “The Whiteys,” which would award excellence in doing ridiculously White stuff but alas, you’ll just have to imagine that for now.

These past few years have seen some serious competition for “whitest thing” and I’ve had to constantly reevaluate the top contenders. Recently, I was browsing my old stomping grounds on Google Maps and came across one of my old favorite haunts, The Original Chubby’s Restaurant on 38th St. in Denver’s Northside.

Side note: Does anyone else do that…? Visit places virtually in Google Maps and “drive” down the streets, check out the hoods and look at how things have changed or visit someplace you never been before etc? No? Just me? Okay, weirdo…

Before I get to Chubby’s though I should preface this with a little background. Right off the bat, I can start firing off things that are the “whitest thing ever” just in what’s changed in this little neighborhood because things there have become ridiculously white over the past couple of decades due to gentrification. If you’re not aware, this used to be a strictly Raza hood. No mas.

Although, if I’m being completely honest, I should note that before it was a Raza hood it was an Italian hood that they dubbed “Little Italy” complete with some legit mafia families. There are still some remnants left from the Italian era, but not many. Then “white flight” happened.

Even still, Chubby’s has been there since the 60’s, so it’s not a new phenomenon. It’s seen it all and still standing, which is quite the accomplishment all things considered, but I’d argue that its days in North Denver may finally be numbered.

For starters (and this is one of the most annoying things for me about gentrification), the neighborhood is no longer called the same thing as what we called it back in the day, North Denver AKA the Northside. No, the new fangled white folks and their bags ‘O cash have rebranded it “The Highlands,” cuz that sounds whiter and more expensive i.e. less Beanery. And believe me when I tell you, the Highlands is pretty gosh darn white now!

This is a business just down the street from Chubby’s called tumble HAUS, which is an indoor playground chock full of affluent white folks! Hilarious if you knew the old 38th Street prior to gentrification!

Reading through the comments on a recent r/Denver thread about how the police in the Highlands won’t help you if you call for help, it became obvious that the people commenting were 1.) transplants and 2.) white. If the image from “tumble HAUS” above is anything to go by I’d say we’re not in the Northside anymore, Toto!

When I lived in Denver about a million years ago, it was common knowledge for brown folks that the cops don’t do jack shit and will not lift a finger unless it’s to harass you or give you a speeding ticket. But these folks want service goddamnit! Oh! And there wasn’t a “tumble HAUS.”

“Oh! You must be white…” - my brain.

But that’s who lives in “the Highlands” now, white folks; correction: rich white folks, and boy have they changed things.

Back to Chubby’s…